Friday, December 29, 2006
Just a short post about what I've been up to this month.
Let's see. I went on a cruise at the beginning of the month. My Mom turned 70 so my Aunt and I treated her to a cruise to Key West and Mexico. It was (to quote Dickens) "The best of times. It was the worst of times." Cruises are fun. Spending time with my Mom and Aunt was great. Pushing my Mom around in a wheelchair when her scooter broke, wasn't so great. Did I mention that Mom and my Aunt are both mobility challenged and brought scooters on the trip. Anyway, I'm living proof that you can lose weight on a cruise...I did.
Then, after I got back, I was sick for awhile. Did my best to catch up with work and friends before the holidays.
I had to make a deadline for the second article that I've written for a new magazine, called Power Exchange. I've been asked to write a monthly column on Activism. It's a bit daunting, but great fun. And it's getting me used to writing and that's very important, as I really want to finish one of my books this coming year.
Last week I went to my sister's in California to spend Christmas with her whole family, my Stepmother and Step Grandmother and my cousin, Veronica Monet (I think I've mentioned her before). First time since 1979. I was pretty apprehensive about going since it's been so long and I never got along well with my Stepmother. However, it turned out to be just great. I got to spend time with my niece's daughter (I'm a Grand Aunt...How cool is that?) and also get to know my Step Mother's current husband better. And one of my nephews is even moving to Seattle next month, so I got to talk to him about what to expect (and promise my sister to only introduce him to girls who want to move to California).
Then last Wednesday, after getting back in town Jim and I drove up to Vancouver to spend a belated Christmas with Jennifer and her daughter. It was the perfect capper to a great holiday.
Now I'm back in Seattle and getting ready for New Year's Eve at The Wet Spot.
I just realized that I haven't mentioned sex at all yet. Well, it's not been the most highly sexual month. People think that I get laid way more than I do. Lately, with pre-menopause and the holidays and a few other blips in my life, it's been pretty barren.
Oh, except for a great evening a few weeks ago with my boy, alex. He's such a "cat". Sometimes he's in the mood, sometimes he's not. This time he was. His masochist came out to play. At my request he wore sexy disposable clothing and after I tied him up over a spanking bench, I slowly cut off his clothes and bit, licked, spanked and caned each body part that I exposed. And that was just his warm up.
Later I had him on the bondage bed (we were at The Wet Spot after hours.) After beating his ass with his least favorite toy, I turned him over and played with his cock, wrapping it in his favorite leather cock ring and attaching it to my tens unit. Every time I turned up the tens unit he jumped and I sucked and kissed his cock. Pretty soon his pain and pleasure responses became all jumbled up. :) This got me super horny, so I climbed on top of him and he gave me a great orgasm while I continued to torture his penis.
Then the Grand Finale! Two needles through his nipples. Then the best part, cuddling and making him feel good again (he doesn't like needles).
Hmmm. That was a fun night.
So, where was I? Oh, New Year's Eve. The Wet Spot has a great party, complete with dancing, play, food, sparkling cider and noise makers. And that's when Jennifer and I bring in the New Year with our own special tradition. Right after midnight we find a cozy spot, grab our noise makers and give ourselves our first orgasms of the year. It's a noisy masturbation scene. Daddy (Jim) sits in a chair and watches with this proud smile that he gets when his girls are having fun together.
So, that's how I plan on ending 2006 and beginning 2007. What are you doing?
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Why masturbation? Well, there has been this new conversation that has occurred within my community about this very subject. I've actually been challenged by several Wet Spot members that our current policy against solo masturbation play is not very sex positive. And, upon reflection, these guys were right.
Last week I held a salon about Masturbation at the Liberty Bar on Capital Hill (the salon is part of an ongoing series that Teri Ciacchi and myself are producing through our small business, Erotic Seattle Education...more about that at another time.) The salons are our attempt to create and alter conversations about sexuality. The salon on masturbation was well received and sparked not only a great dialogue, but some ideas that we hope to bring to fruition in the future.
One of the ideas is to create a Coed Masturbation Group. Loosely base it on The Rain City Jacks and hopefully have at least one coed masturbation event a month at the Wet Spot. This is a huge departure from the norm. Getting women to attend will be problematic, however we've got some ideas to increase safety and reduce the "creep" factor. One is having strict guidelines around touching and non-masturbatory sex. By the way, I am open to suggestions, if anyone out there wants to pipe up.
We also are looking at creating more masturbation friendly spaces at our regular events. To stop "ghettoizing" masturbation by putting the Jack and Jill areas in tiny corners or closets.
I'm excited to be part of changing the culture and conversation about masturbation. I look forward to seeing our ideas flourish.
And, if you're interested, come to The Wet Spot's New Year's Eve Party and you'll see me and my girlfriend, Jennifer, bring in the New Year's in our traditional fashion (yes,it does involve masturbation).
Have a great day!
Oh, one last note. Candye Kane will be at the Wet Spot this coming Wednesday for one performance only. Not to be missed. You can get tickets at Brown Paper Tickets.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Anyway, Tonya and I are in the Bay area for Folsom Street Fair, which happens tomorrow in San Francisco. Surprisingly, I've never been. All these year's I've been kinky and I haven't made it to the biggest leather fair in the country. So, today it's tigers, tonight it's a women's play party and tomorrow it's Folsom. Then it's on to Las Vegas to meet up with Jennifer where I'm going to show her the lights.
I'm on a real vacation. Hard to believe. And, while I'm ostentatiously not here for work, I can't help but promote the Seattle Erotic Art Festival or talk to strangers about The Wet Spot.
Last night we went to an art opening for Midori's newest work. And of course the first people I run into are a bunch of Seattlites. We met one of my favorite photographers and good friend, David Steinberg and his lovely friend Kim. From Midori's opening we went to a late dinner at a diner called Mels and then David and Kim took me to Divas, one of two transgender lounges in the country. That was an amazing experience. David has recently produced an incredible show of trans women who work at or frequent Divas. We hope to have him back in Seattle for the art festival and if we do, we also hope to get him a gallery show of his Trans work.
So far the trip has been fun and uneventful. I'm staying with a delightful
couple in the Oakland area (good friends of some good friends) so I'm meeting lots of new people. Even handed my card to a cute women in line at the coffee shop I'm in and I'm talking right now to a cute, non-kinky boy about Folsom. Life is good.
Well, got to go check e-mail.
Talk to you soon.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
We spend a full week at one of the sexiest and most spiritual venues imaginable. The Longhouse, where we hold the event has a pool, hot tubs, showers, flush toilets (very important) and the most beautiful grounds to camp and play in.
This year we had a few treats in store for our attendees. Besides feeding them all there meals (of which I was the Master Chef...well, Camp Cook), providing play space and workshops all week long we also had Gaia Consort play on Sunday night and Saturday and Sunday afternoons we had Lube Wrestling!!! Oh, my Goddess, what fun.
Tim, one of our board members came up with a great idea for a fund raiser. He proposed that he and I lube wrestle. While he's a lot smaller than me, he's also 20+ years younger than me and very physically fit. Of course I said yes. And of course I knew I'd kick is ass. There was some special conditions though. To make it a fund raiser, Tim had a bucket that he used to get donations in that said "Blindfold Allena" and I had one that said "Blindfold Tim". Then, mid week, when Tim and I were collecting lots of bills, some smart ass (thanks Marcus) came up with the idea of passing around a bucket that said "Blindfold Both". Needless to say, we both were blindfolded. I surprised him by also donning a strap-on, which unfortunately fell off before I could "pin" him. I have to say that I've never worked so hard is such a short time (3 2 minute rounds) and had so much fun. Nor have I ever hurt so much the next day. My muscles are still sore and that was over a week ago. But it was for a good cause, oh, and I did kick his ass. While I may never have pinned him, the Judges did find me the winner. Not bad for an old fat broad.
Anyway, if you missed The Gathering this year, or our naked lube wrestling, don't miss it next year.
Good night and Goddess Bless,
Monday, August 21, 2006
Friday alex used the Je Joue along with his talented fingers and hands to give me a most enjoyable evening. And that was just Friday.
I'll tell you about the rest of the weekend later. Needless to say, I had a great time and I'm still basking in the glow.
Allena (I'm going to go play some more with my Je Joue.)
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Alice who is 86 was in the Northwest visiting her daughter. She jokingly said that she was homeless, since she had sold her home and was traveling around from kid to kid and staying with them off and on. She didn't look much over 75 and acted even younger. She regaled me with stories of her travels to Alaska. It also turned her daughter and I had something in common. Her father was a bodyman (worked on cars) just like my father and Karen, like me had worked with her Dad sanding and masking cars. It was odd to meet someone around my age who had shared that little bit of life with me. Not many women in their 50's can claim to have masked and sanded cars.
Then there was Rollie and his son. Rollie was in Washington celebrating his 70th high school reunion. Wow. He said there were 30 people who were attending. Very impressive. We all chatted and I helped them open the Dramamine tablets (the tablets were almost impossible to get out of their little plastic containers. I was the hero of our table.). And of course I flirted with both of them, especially Rollie.
Then Casey and I spent the day wandering around Victoria. We went to shops, bookstores and great Tapas restaurant, an amazing chocolate shop ( Chocolat Chocolatiere de Victoria, 703 Fort Street, Victoria, BC V8W1G9, (250) 381-0131 ), watched guys blow glass and just had an all round super time. On the way back to the Clipper we watched this incredible artist using just cans of spray paint make the most awesome art. (I'll find his url and post it later)
Then, when we got back in line to go home, we ran into all of the folks we had met earlier and also a couple gay guys that Casey had met that morning.
After the Clipper pulled out of the harbor, things started getting very interesting. We save a seat for Rollie and Nate and four very funny women sat next to us. We all chatted and laughed (in fact later the gay guys told me the regretted not sitting with us because we were having way too much fun). Early on we started talking about sex, embarrassing one woman so much she actually got up for awhile when (they two guys weren't in on the intial conversation.) Then we chatted about other things and all of us flirted shamelessly with Rollie who was delightful and flirted right back at us.
Later in the trip, one woman (who seemed very sure of herself and whose just screamed Dominant) was telling us how she punched out a former husband when he slapped and we all agreed that any man who slapped a woman should be punched out. I said something about unless it was consensual and mentioned spanking. And the women who had left earlier when we were talking about sex, smiled at me and said "that's right" and then said she and her husband did that. She smiled even bigger and said " I may look like MaryAnn but have a lot of Ginger in me . . . " I immediately gave her my Wet Spot card and while I was at it gave one to the very cool woman who I was sure was a bit kinky and also before we left to the gay guys (one of them looked at the card and said, "Oh, I've been there").
Oh, and the highlight of my day was when Rollie (the 89 year old) leaned over the table and said that he liked me and that I was pretty. I was very flattered. I then asked him if he had any money and he said yes, so I asked him if how his "ticker" was. He said it was great. I told him I was looking for a guy with money and a bad ticker so it probably wouldn't work between us. I also told him that I had enough long distance romances, otherwise I'd get his number. It was all very cool.
The point of this rambling travelogue with that I'm constantly amazed how often I run into sex-positive people in the most non-sexual places. I've learned that if I'm just myself, opportunities naturally arise to talk about who and what I am and do.
Goddess, I love my life.
So, tomorrow it's back to work and working out and moving forward. I'll post later this week about the newest addition to my sex toy bag. The most expensive vibrator I've ever encountered.
For now, it's good night and Goddess Bless.
Here's a picture of Nate and Rollie
Friday, July 07, 2006
What is it with gay men (or those who identify as gay men) and women's tits? Or women's crotches for that matter. I had more hands and mouths on my breasts that at any other public function I've ever been to except for a meet and greet at another contest year's ago at the Seattle Eagle. And the gropes and grabs and . . . well, lets just say that my tits and cunt both are a little sore from the attention they got. And this was just at a bar. There are two especially fine young men that kept me pretty well occupied. Tony Buff, Washington State Leather 2002( scroll down to see his picture) and his nasty boy, Lawerence both had their way with me (well as much as you can in a bar) and if I have my way, one of these days I'm going to spend a few hours of private time with them and let them have more of their way with me. Damn, what fine sexy men. And that was just two of at least six wonderful men who I "played" with tonight. My hands were tied behind my back, I was punched, pinched, bit, had strawberry mousse licked off my tits and fondled and kissed all evening long. I love judging contests.
I was going to go to The Wet Spot women's night afterward, but I decided to just come home and bask in the glow of the attention I got from the guys.
And tonight was just the meet and greet. Tomorrow is the contest and I'm wearing something slinky and sexy and I'm sure there will be more chances to play with the boys.
I keep forgetting just how much fun they are. I think I'll make more trips to The Cuff in the future.
Friday, June 23, 2006
I'm writing this from a small coffee shop in Cle Elum, Washington. Cle Elum is a small town barely east of the Cascades with a population of 1700+ and and elevation of 1900+. The coffee shop, Pioneer Coffee is obviously the happening place in Cle Elum. A mixture of old and young hippies, housewives, farmers and local business men and the odd young tattooed cutie that would look more in place on Capitol Hill. It also has great coffee!
Why am I here?
Every year, for the last 9, I've been the caterer for the Women's Summer Solstice weekend. 120-150 pagan women of all types join to celebrate Summer Solstice, and I've (along with my amazing crew) have had the great honor of feeding them.
I got this gig when I had my cafe and have continued in spite of no longer being in the food business. It's not only my way of staying in touch with my chef side, but also nurturing my need to give back by providing food to people.
Someday I'll tell you more about this (I hate my laptop keyboard) but mostly I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Solstice.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Wet Spots and The Do You Take It In . . .
July 9 and 10
(doors open at )
$16 advanced through Brown Paper Tickets
$20 at the door.
Do You Take It In . . .
If you find yourself humming the tune to the above title, then you know about The Wet Spots. If you don't know who I'm talking about, go here and then come back and read the rest of this post.
On July 9th and 10th The Wet Spots will be performing at The Wet Spot (
Dance you ask? Yes, The Von Foxies, one of
These kinky minxes enjoy playing with the boundaries of sexuality, gender and decency while engaging in their distinctive brand of bait 'n switch bump 'n grind. They adore burlesque in all its forms- traditional bombshell beauty, queer gender-f*ck draglesque, hilariously naughty satire and politically powerful theatre.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I just had an incredible discussion with a group of my Landmark Education cohorts. I'm doing the Wisdom Course and we have weekly meetings, either in person or by phone to do coursework and to socialize.
One of the distinctions of the Wisdom Course is how our life is a series of conversations and who we are in the world and how we "be" in the world is from the conversations that others in our life have about us. Also, altering conversations can be life altering both on individual and global scales.
That was what tonight's conversation was about. Globally how we can alter the world just by putting a conversation into existence. We were talking about The Hunger Project started in the 70's, which has altered how the world relates to hunger, but it struck how my and others conversations about sex and sex-positivist has altered our world.
Fifteen years ago, when I came into this community the term sex-positive wasn't even in use. Or if it was, it was used minimally. Even 10 years ago when I had my cafe, it wasn't being spoken and just in the last 7 years, with the beginning of The Wet Spot, with a change in sexual awareness, the term is now everywhere and being used by more than the sex-positive community. I really do feel that by people like me, changing the conversation about sex, we have altered how our world is viewing sexuality.
Oh, I know, some of you are thinking, well, what about the religious right? The current administrations overly zealous prosecution of porn web sites? I think this is just part of it. It's the push back that's to be expected when culture shifts. If it wasn't shifting there wouldn't be such attention to it. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, media, advertising, etc has become more and more sexual and sex positive.
My challenge to everyone is to change the conversation. Don't be afraid to speak your truth about sexuality. I know that when I speak frankly and without shame about who I am and what I do in this world, I don't get negative reactions. I believe that's because I am changing the conversation.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I am on the mend and hopefully by the end of the week I'll be working out with
Speaking of Tonya, last night she unveiled her new logo for her busines Fetishwear.net at a small party at the new restaurant owned by my friends Dan and Craig. The name of the restaurant is Hot Dish and it isn't officially open until May 2nd, so we all got a sneak preview of what will soon be the newest, hottest, bestest place to eat in Seattle. Not only will it have amazing food (since Dan is an incredible cook) it's in the "family" so to speak and is someplace that should soon become a gathering place for my community. Oh, and it's got wireless, too so I can go there and work. (Some of you don't know, but I used to co-own a small cafe on Capital Hill called Beyond The Edge Cafe, that was the community gathering place for a few years. At times I miss it dreadfully. )
One thing that I didn't bail on this week was my commitments to speak. On Friday, I had the wonderful opportunity to speak about Polyamory at a Human Sexuality Class at
I belong to a Poly yahoo group and to prepare for my presentations I asked the group to answer three questions for me.
1. If you could tell the non-polyworld just one thing about your lifestyle, what would it be?
2. What misconceptions or myths about poly have you encountered that you want to make sure get covered? (I realize that these could have the same answer).
3. Since I don't have kids I can only talk about it anecdotally. So, for those of you with children, what do you tell them (if anything) about poly and at what age? And what were their responses? Also, any major issues around children in poly households.
I was blown away by the incredibly thoughtful and profound responses I received from members of the group. It's prompted me to write an article about Polyamory and hopefully shop it around. I'll share some of it with you all as I write.
I'm not going to make an promises about blogging this time. I'll write when I write and won't when I won't.
I'm off to bed. Got to get feeling better soon. Tomorrow afternoon I'm speaking at
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I'm not going to say much, but rather direct you to Jennifer's blog which tells a bit of our adventure so far. And it has been an adventure. In just over 24 hours we have been in 3 rooms and have gone from a tiny crackerbox to a deluxe room with a view of the Empire State Building. Between an overflowing toilet in one room, a shower that had only two temperatures in the next and several other annoying incident we got one hell of an upgrade.
Yesterday was Greenwich Village, Time Square and changing rooms. Today was another room change, Central Park, Ground Zero and an Off-Off Broadway play about Alice and Wonderland. Tomorrow the Empire State Building, China Town, MOMA, the Sex Museum and then the conference starts.
I'll post more later. I hate my keyboard on my laptop so I'm going to keep this short. I've got a lot to talk about and will start posting more, I promise (yeah, sure you say...but I will).
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
For the last four years the
Here's all the information you need to attend this week's event.
The fourth annual Seattle Erotic Art Festival—held at Consolidated Works (
Doors open on Friday, March 24 at ; Deities of the Eros Costume Gala starts at . The Festival’s many other offerings include a VIP reception, Saturday's live auction, installations, performance art (choreographed by Little Red Studio, a gallery store for small works and prints, in addition to opportunities to attend films, lectures, workshops and readings. Patrons will be able to meet the artists including special guest
Festival Curator, Pet Silvia, co-proprietor of the high profile New York gallery Art@Large, presents work by artists: H.R. Giger, John John Jesse, Annie Sprinkle, Elizabeth Stephens, Barbara Nitke, Carolyn Weltman, Michael Manning, John Santerineross, Michele Serchuk, SEAF Award Winner Boris Starosta, Seattle’s own Rik Garrett and more.
SEAF 2006 is proud to feature the works of SEAF Award Winners: Hypnox,
Last year, SEAF attracted over 4,000 attendees and received significant media attention. Most importantly, a large portion of the exhibition and auction art at SEAF was sold (values ranged from $100 to $7,000). The sales of prints and small works in the Festival Store were also impressive.
SEAF was founded in 2002 by
Tables and seats are still available for Saturday's live auction. Selected works will be auctioned off by the esteemed auctioneer,
We'd like to thank our sponsors:
Additional festival information can be found at our website, http://www.SeattleErotic.org
Tickets can be purchased through http://www.BrownPaperTickets.com.
THIS EVENT IS OPEN ONLY TO THOSE 18 YEARS OF AGE AND OLDER
Saturday, March 11, 2006
I have so much to do and I just don't have any impetus to do anything today. I just wasted a couple hours watching the movie Nightwatch. A Russian Vampyre Horror movie with subtitles and the weirdest most convoluted plot I've ever seen. It was unintentionally funny. We laughed so much that the guy in front of us glared at us a few times. I love the Russian language so that part was great and there was this really cool big yellow truck that they used to get around in that was very sexy (Have I told you about my heavy machinery and big rig fetish?)
Overall, though, the movie was horrible. However, it was an excuse to spend time with one of my best friends, Porgie (he calls me Bess, I call him Porgie….you figure that out). He's one of those people who when they call, if I can I drop what I'm doing and do whatever with him. He called today at to see if I wanted to see the "film" Nightwatch with him at . Of course I said yes. Oh, a film is any movie with subtitles. Anyway, Nightwatch is the first of a trilogy and while we both thought the movie was really bad, we'll go see the other two, just to see if the Lights beat the Darks.
Porgie, by the way, is one of my best friends and if he wasn't gay would probably be one of my partners. We are celebrating our March birthdays next week. He's a Pisces and I'm and Aries and we've been friends since I owned my café in 1995. He and I used to sit outside the café and rate guys. 1-10. Sometimes we were really bad and would play "Studs or Scuds". Remember the Scud missiles of the first Gulf War, well, if someone looked good they'd get a Stud, but sometimes as they got closer we'd realize they were a Scud, since they didn't really hit the mark. I know, not very cool, but silly and fun and we never said anything where anyone else would hear us. Rude but not insensitive.
So, that's what I do when I have the blahs…go to bad movies, waste time playing stupid games like Invadazoid (some Invader type game I got off Comcast.net) and wait for my Daddy,
I'll get my work done tomorrow; if I get rid of the Blahs.
Daddy just walked in the door. Yea!!!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I had an opportunity the other day to be part of a kissing booth at a Kinky Carnival held at The School of One. What an amazing experience. Last year I was part of the kissing booth and I had quite a bit of fun, but nothing really profound happened. Well, this time was different.
I had the opportunity to kiss a few people who seemed to be totally touched and moved by the experience of kissing me. What an odd occurrence. I had chosen to be fully present while kissing each individual and giving it 150%. To see if that would make a difference in how my experience in the booth went. Well, believe me, it worked. I actually had someone in tears after a kiss. Another looked at me with a touch of wonder in his eyes and thanked me for kissing him. It was obvious that something had happened that was not intended. I had tapped into something primal and moving.
Now, I imagine that the men and women I kissed, for the most part, got turned on or aroused in some way, because I'm a great kisser and a pretty sexy old broad, if I don't say so myself. However, this was different than getting turned on. This was deeper, more at the core of what kissing and touch are all about. This was about intimacy not sexuality, per say.
It amazes me to think that something as simple as a kiss can have such a profound affect on a person. That even something simpler as a touch, caress, a cuddle can mean the difference between a life fully lived and one of just existence. This explains the popularity of Cuddle Parties (or Snuggle Parties as they are called in some parts of the country). An opportunity for people to just touch; non-sexual, non-threatening and totally life affirming.
I have to keep reminding myself that others aren't as blessed as I am. Not only do I have a poly family that nourishes me, I have others in my life who also feed my soul. I have an incredible bio family, a huge and wonderful chosen family, a beautiful home and a fabulous and rich life.
The experiences I've had over the last few weeks, the kissing booth, going to Southplains Leatherfest, enjoying the company of my boy, my close friends, my bio brothers and just living a full and rich life only serve to remind me that part of my calling in this world is to make the type of life I have accessible to others. A huge blessing and an even huger responsibility.
Here's to kissing and touching (of the physical kind) and to touching others and truly making a difference in this world.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
What an amazing concept. I’ve heard compersion defined as the opposite of jealousy and that works, too.
I’m at South Plains Leatherfest this weekend presenting on two topics, BDSM and Humor and Polyamory. Yesterday my BDSM and Humor workshop we4nt over well (another posting perhaps) and today my Polyamory class was a huge hit. As usual I come away from these workshops having gained as much as I give.
Much of what I said has been said before and many of the participants were already active poly, so much of my workshop was ‘preaching to the choir’, so to speak. But when I brought up ‘compersion’ as usual it was a concept that few had heard of. I’m always amazed that a concept so profound and of such importance to those in the poly lifestyle is still so obscure.
As I talked about comparison and how it manifests in my life I was thrilled to see the participants eyes light up. I’d hit on something big. One woman who had seen my family at Leather Leadership two years ago in New Orleans shared that not only had she been impressed by Jennifer and I cuddling under a blanket during the weekend, but that she had been profoundly touched to witness my watching of Jim suspending Jennifer and how it was very obvious how much in love I was with both of them. She was obviously moved by the retelling and I was even more moved by her sharing.
As I’ve mentioned before, we never know when our lives touch others, I was thrilled that someone had witnessed me in the midst of compersion.
After the workshop I had several people come up to me just to give me a hug or to thank me and offer to me that I had already made a difference in their life.
Wow, how cool is that?
Well, I’m off to the dungeon party to play with a very cool gay Top who is an expert with singletails. Lucky me.
PS: You can read a bit more about my poly family in Mistress Matisse's column in this week's Stranger.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The original Italian Renaissance supposedly began around the end of the 14th century and was in many was, in response to The Dark Ages and the control of the Church in all things to do with art, science and learning. The word renaissance (rinasciemento in Italian) literally means "rebirth", and the era is best known for its renewed interest in the culture of the classical antiquity. While it eventually had far reaching consequences on all areas of science, art and learning, it had little immediate influence on the majority of the population. The initial changes were concentrated in the elite and involved a relatively small number of people. However, the efforts of those few brave souls was ultimately far reaching in it's scope and the affects of the Renaissance still shape us to this day.
I truly believe that we are in the midst of a Sexual Renaissance. And like the Renaissance of the 14th century a small number of people are ultimately going to shape the way the world looks at sexuality. This is not to be confused with the Sexual Revolution of the 60's. The Sexual Renaissance is not about revolt and protest, but rather about creation and a bringing together of like-minded individuals in response to the repressiveness of our modern society. The Medieval Renaissance was in response in many ways to the repressive Byzantine era that preceded it. I wouldn't hesitate to suggest that our current Sexual Renaissance is in response to the repressive backlash to the 60's Sexual Revolution and the fear that the AIDS crises created in our world. Some of you may feel that our world (especially this country of ours and our current administration) has gotten more and more sexually repressive and while it may seem so, I believe it's a natural response to what is really happening in the world of sexuality. Sexuality is powerful and those in power want to keep the power unto themselves. It's dangerous to allow the power to belong to the masses. And we, of the Sex Positive Movement are bringing sexual power to the masses.
And it's not as hard as it would seem. Our population is ripe for change in the realms of human sexuality. One only has to look as far as the recent commercials and shows we see on Television and the abundance of cable stations that have gotten more and more sexual (and not the premium stations like HBO, either). Spike TV the "men's channel" is a prime example and another is the Comedy channel. But even the main public stations are taking more and more risks. Check out Desperate Housewives or even the majority of the Reality shows. And of course, the CSI series (especially CSI Crime) are full of kink and sex of all persuasions. And commercials! Damn, some of them are incredibly hot. The ads for Axe deodorant "how a dirty boy gets clean" are filled with kink and sex. Have you seen the one with the plumber pulling stuff from the drain, ending with a crop? And of course the Dannon Yogurt (pool boy joey and the French maid bit) commercials in the last few years have been overly suggestive. And my favorite is the new "dominate winter" advertising campaign for the
This is an exciting time to be an activist and educator in the world of Sexuality. The Sex Positive Movement is gathering momentum and those of us at the forefront are beginning to get noticed and not always in a bad way. My friend
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Sometimes I am amazed at how people end their relationships. The vitriol and acrimony is so damaging and in most cases so unnecessary. I have some friends whose short marriage is on the rocks. And while I won't allow them to say anything about the other to me, I hear from mutual friends that there the usual "he said" "she said" shit and they are both so angry when just a few short months ago they were pledging their love to each other. It's all so sad and unnecessary. What an incredible amount of energy it takes to stay angry and be unreasonable and to create the pain and agony that goes along with typical relationship endings.
It seems very illogical to expect modern relationships to be "until death do we part". When that concept became part of our marriage ceremony life expectancy was no where as long as it is now. Things happen, people change. People get married or move in together for all kinds of reasons. Not always just because they are "in love". Sometimes they even get married when they know they shouldn't be getting married, but the invites are already mailed or it would be just too embarrassing to call it off. Whatever. Relationships don't always last. Well, let me rephrase that. Many relationships that are happy, healthy and ethical (notice I didn't say monogamous), don't last, for a variety of reasons, the least is not loving each other. However, many bad relationships where people stay out of pride, because of the children, because "God" said so or just because they are to lazy, mean or ignorant to leave, last for years and sometimes for the lifetime of the participants. How sad is that?
I firmly believe that in this day and age that expecting to stay together forever, without changing the relationship in some major way is naïve and very difficult. I have been married four times (I like weddings and I like being the center of attention. . .so I keep saying yes). I can truthfully say that I ended all of the relationships on pretty good terms. And while I don't know where my first and third husbands are any more (it's been many years), nor do I see my second one often, all my interactions after we split up were more than civil. And that is because I am determined to not waste my time and energy on anger, hate and bitterness. I have better things to do with my time. Just because I can't live with someone for some reason (even a nasty reason like infidelity) doesn't mean that I quit loving someone or that I can't leave the relationship with class and style.
What about my fourth husband?
It didn't happen by accident. We actually planned it this way. Neither of us quit loving each other, we just didn't want to live together anymore. After 11 years of marriage our lives took different paths. It was that simple. (Well a tiny bit more complicated than that, but that's another post).
One of the things we did when we separated was to create a separation document that not only dealt with the objective issues that faced us (housing, money, etc) but with the more subjective issues that we were encountering. The following paragraph was written by my ex and was part of the separation agreement that we both signed and had notarized. Later when we divorced, we had the full agreement put into our divorce papers. We have a commitment to each other that didn't end when the marriage ended.
Reading it today still brings tears to my eyes.
My plan now is to write a book, called Happy Endings. It won't be just about me and
To that end, I ask you, my readers (if anyone's out there) to send me your stories. Have you a Happy Ending to share?
Saturday, February 04, 2006
This is an odd thing for me. My life is an open book. If you meet me on the street, strike up a conversation and ask me the most intimate of questions, I'll answer truthfully. However, it's odd to be writing about myself and my thoughts on a computer screen that is posted to a web site that anyone could read. I ask myself; just what makes me think that I have anything to say that anyone would want to read? And then (when I have time to kill, which isn't often) I read some random blog and realize that there are a whole lot of people out there posting a lot of crap that a lot of other people read. To me that's totally amazing. That's not to say I haven't read brilliant blogs, I have. It still amazes me.
So, I guess, if I'm going to do this, I don't always have to be scintillating and fascinating and titillating and . . . (put in your other favorite –ating word here)
So, here's my pledge to Jennifer (and anyone else who cares) I promise to blog at least three times a week. That's all I can promise.
This post doesn't count. My week starts on Sunday.
For today, thaaaaaaaats all folks (in the words of my favorite pig...I'll tell you about my pig collection at another time)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
One of the things that defines my life the most is my polyamorous lifestyle. While the term polyamory is only 20 or so years old, I've been polyamorous almost my whole adult life. Which is way more than 20 years.
Even before I made a conscious choice to by poly, life's lessons were such that it seemed the natural state of affairs for me. An early boyfriend who I adored quit coming to see me because I "somothered" him (in the words of one of his friends). That taught me a lessen about jealousy and possessiveness that stayed with me for all these years.
My first bisexual and poly experience was when I was 18 with a young couple,
And in between
My point with sharing the above is that my life early on became one of sharing and open relationships. Of course, it was a time of free love and birth control and the only STDs we worried about could be cleared up with a shot of penicillin. It just all seemed so natural. All my marriages have been open to some degree and while I did occasionally try to have a monogamous relationship it never worked. And, since I abhor cheating, I had to create relationships that were open and honest or I had to leave.
I won't bore you with all the details leading up to the present, but needless to say it wasn't always easy and sometimes it was down right excruciating, but in the long run, it was and continues to be the most satisfying lifestyle I could imagine.
Let me tell you about my poly family. Since I'm also into BDSM, my relationships don't always have a traditional sexual nature, but that all are very intimate and close. I am the member of a triad family, with
Why do poly? Lots of reasons. I used to try to explain my poly to non-poly friends by talking about my heart. It's very big and there's lots of room and one person just doesn't fill it up. I feel empty when I only have one relationship. There are more opportunities for intimacy and that's very important to me. I'm a BDSM switch, so there's another reason to be poly. Being bisexual means that not doing poly leaves a part of me wanting and I don't like that.
It's getting late and I'm starting to ramble so I'm going to close. I hope that this post allows you to know a little bit more about me.
Friday, January 06, 2006
I just got back from the movies with one of my dearest friends, Damen. Damen and I got to movies, plays, concerts, Las Vegas and do all kinds of fun things together. He's one of my best friends in the world. Anyway, I digress. The movie we went to was "One, The Movie" An amazingly complex but also simple film. It asks a lot of questions of a lot of people. Well-known enlightened people like Deepak Chopra, Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, Ram Dass, Thich Nhat Hahn and Robert Thurman (to just name a few) and lesser known and unknown people that the film producers met on their journey, including one of the more profound, a young homeless boy named Chris Willis. Some of the questions they asked were: What happens to you after you die? Describe God. What is the meaning of life? What is your one wish for the world? Are we "all one"?
It's the last question that really touched and moved me. I came away from the film with a sense of sadness and grief and the realization that we are all One. You may think that realizing we are "one" would be a cause for celebration not sadness. But the reality is, if I truly believe this (and I do) then I'm not only one with those that I love and admire, but also those that I fear and despise. Those that would harm me and that hate all that I stand for as much as I hate what they stand for. The thought of being one with someone like, George Bush for example shakes me. And it means that I must deal with the world around me with love and compassion because that is how I strive to deal with those who I care for and how I want to be dealt with. Knowing that we are all one gives me a huge responsibility about how I walk in this world; how I accomplish the work that I have set out to do.
I'm a sex activist and a transformer. I am the possibility of transformation of humanity in the world of sexuality. I realize that I can't "fight" for transformation, but that I must "love" for transformation. (hey, I brought this around to sex after all). While I am not perfect and I know that I will at times be tempted to fight and argue and come from a place of self-righteousness and anger, I promise that when I get there or when someone tells me that I'm there, I'll get off it. Immediately. My stand is one of love and sex and fun and joy and pleasure. I hope that through this blog I can take you there, along with me. On my journey toward being "One".